


Starry Sky

by theasexualfangirl



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: (it's heather btw), Anxiety, Asexual Character, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, mentions of an abusive relationship (aka jd), overall it's p fluffy?, these girls are sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 01:00:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10478514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theasexualfangirl/pseuds/theasexualfangirl
Summary: The Westerberg High graduating class of 1990 is about to say goodbye to the past four years of their lives. A lot has changed, especially for Veronica and Heather. Late at night, the girls reflect on their lives before that fateful September 1st.





	1. Dear Old Westerberg

**Author's Note:**

> yo.  
> this is my first fic. honestly i lowkey ship these two? they're so sweet. a lot of this is based off the musical but some elements are from the movie. parts of it are hcs.  
> (also yes the chapter title is supposed to be a wicked reference i'm musical theatre trash)

June 8th, 1990.

 

The halls were cramped and full of the diverse student body of Westerberg High. Diverse meaning a ton of white kids shoved into various social groups; jocks with their red and white lettermans, nerds with thin-rimmed, near-circular glasses and neon pink lipstick, popular kids with shoulder pads, hair damaged from hairspray, and knee socks.

Of course, Veronica Sawyer had definitely gotten her fair share of the bullshit social classes of high school. After the death of her former boyfriend, J.D., the school hadn't been the same. Neither had she.

Since the mass "suicides," people across the school had been more open to affection and human decency. The entire senior class of Westerberg had learned a valuable lesson, or they faked learning a lesson, at least. Diversity had since become a good thing. The red-and-white halls of the tiny high school were full of 18-year-old guys giving hearty bear hugs to all their fellow classmates, and teary-eyed 17-year-old girls shoving yearbooks into everyone's faces.

Possibly the teariest of all the girls was Heather McNamara. She was a delicate soul, indeed. Though she was a part of the solid team of Heathers at the beginning of the year, known throughout the high school as the bitches of Westerberg, many had forgiven her. Deep down, Heather's sunny personality shone brightly. For the most part, she was forced into the menacing persona that came with being a Heather. After she felt pressured into attempting suicide, she had help in turning her life around. That help came from none other than Veronica Sawyer and her friend Martha Dunnstock. Veronica, mostly.

...

Veronica had been keeping a diary ever since the first day of her freshman year. She recieved it as a gift from her mom a few years before high school, and decided that her high school experience should be documented as much as possible. She didn't write in it as regularly as she ever did her senior year.

After all, it was the most eventful year of her life.

First, becoming the protégé of the Heathers. Then, meeting the angsty, black trench coat-wearing boy of her wet dream, J.D. Or so she thought. J.D.'s insanity only revealed itself to her as they grew closer. After faking the suicides of three students in her class, it was evident that she had to cut ties before it was too late.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, J.D. was too damaged to live past high school. He gave up midway through a plan to blow up the entire school, blaming it for the social hierarchy that caused his suicide.

Since then, Veronica took charge of her life and decided to influence others to do the same.

...

"Oh my God, Veronica!" Heather exclaimed through welling tears.

Veronica plowed her way through the crowd of girls surrounding the head cheerleader. Instantly, she pulled Heather into a tight hug, wrapping her arms around her tiny waist. Heather's arms snaked firmly around Veronica's neck and shoulders, a weary smile forming on her face.

"How're you doing, Mac?" Veronica inquired softly. Mac was a nickname that only Veronica was allowed to use. It seemed to roll off her tongue sweetly.

Heather slowly released her grip around the taller girl's neck, taking one hand to daintily wipe the tears away from the inner corner of her eye, and placing the other on Veronica's shoulder.

"Everyone's s-so nice," she said, trying not to tear up any more.

"Of course, they are," Veronica intertwined her own fingers behind the small of Heather's back as she slipped away. "You're head cheerleader, why wouldn't they be nice to you?"

Heather could detect a hint of gentle sarcasm in Veronica's voice. She knew that Heather was insecure of her past. She knew that Heather wished she could wash it all down and ignore it...

Like a pill.

Veronica pulled Heather's waist in a bit more, and the delicate blonde placed her other hand back onto Veronica's shoulders.

Heather truly loved that outfit on her: an off-the-shoulder, dark blue shirt and a black skirt latched onto suspenders of the same color. It was girlish, yet had the edge that made Veronica herself.

For a moment, Heather stared up to the deep brown eyes that were locked onto her's. She could study those eyes for hours. Hell, it'd be the only thing she'd be good at studying.

The little blonde snapped out of her own thoughts, realizing how many girls were surrounding her with their open yearbooks in her face.

"Oh! Mm..." Heather plainly removed her hands from Veronica's bare shoulders, returning her attention to the crowd of students.

Veronica smirked, holding in a laugh. God, Heather was so flighty. She didn't care that much. It was an endearing quality. She simply slipped her hands off of Heather's waist and let the yellow-clad girl return to signing pages upon pages of yearbooks.

"I'll catch up with you after school, yeah?" Veronica asked, stepping out of the frenzy.

Heather's head whipped back to the taller brunette. "Of course!" She flashed a smile.

Veronica simply nodded and wormed her way out of the hairspray-scented swarm of girls.

...

Since the whole incident with J.D., Veronica hadn't wanted to find a partner who would be tough enough to protect her. Instead, she found herself fighting her own battles with ease. In fact, she was defending those in the student body that were unfortunate enough to feel the wrath of societal standards. She increasingly felt sympathy for others, and learned that sensitivity was better than brute force.

This was what lead her to Heather McNamara.

Heather was unfortunate enough to be a victim of the difficult-to-escape desire to end it all. Luckily, before it was too late, Veronica found it in herself to rush to Heather's side. 

Heather had been given the most important second chance of her life. Without it, she wouldn't even have a life.

Heather had dealt with the pressures that came with being a Heather. Heather Chandler was truly the mythic bitch; always taunting and intimidating. Heather Duke was just power-hungry, possessing the intense desire to take control of the Heathers and Westerberg's social hierarchy. 

Somewhere thrown in the middle of the totem pole was Heather McNamara– the little girl in yellow with a perky voice.

She had to live up to the standards of Heather Chandler; losing 20 pounds from secretly starving herself, treating everyone around her like trash, taking authority and pushing herself to the limit with cheerleading. Little did she know that being a part of the "never-bothered" queens of high school would ultimately lead to suicidal thoughts.

Heather eventually broke through her façade and regained what little innocence was still inside her, pushing the darkness out of her heart and letting the sunny brightness fill her. She, of course, couldn't have done it without Veronica.

The two quickly became friends, and, in secret, something a bit more.

...

The final bell rang.

The lowerclassmen flooded out of the doors, cheering and shouting. The juniors left slowly, knowing that their next year would be their last at Westerberg. The seniors left after the juniors, in a way that was almost strategic.

Heather McNamara walked delicately down the steps of the school, feet turning in ever-so slightly. She glanced up once she reached the bottom. Her eyes scanned across the crowds for a moment before she caught a hint of a stunning blue.

Veronica.

It was typical for her to be one step ahead of Heather. She worked very methodically.

Heather nearly skipped to her, pushing gently past the crowds of still-exiting upperclassmen.

Approaching the brunette, Heather noticed strands of her hair turned an auburn shade under the summer sun. Veronica's right arm opened to embrace Heather, the other securing her bookbag over her left shoulder. Heather bounded into Veronica's free arm, spinning them both around a bit before shifting their weight while they embraced.

"So..." Veronica started, releasing the smaller girl. "What are your summer plans?" She gave a lopsided smile.

Heather pulled away from Veronica with a sad shock on her face. "You forgot already?"

"No, no, no! I was-" Veronica started. She had to dial down the sarcastic flirting a bit. "I know we had plans, it was supposed to be a joke."

"Oh!" Heather's face lit up again. "Okay, good! I thought I missed something."

"Not at all, Mac," Veronica threw her bag over her other shoulder and wrapped her left arm around Heather's waist. She guided her out of the front of the school.

"Let's go make some Jiffy Pop."


	2. Fun-Sized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls head back to Veronica's house for a movie night and a walk down memory lane.

The sun was setting.

Heather was searching through Veronica's film collection, and the latter was throwing a bag of Jiffy Pop onto he stove.

Heather had taken off her yellow blazer to reveal the white, short-sleeved button-up top tucked into her skirt. Her delicate blonde hair curled around her exposed arms as she sorted through the selection of movies. She took one out and examined the front and back.

"How's Breakfast Club sound?" Heather shouted into the next room.

"Go for it," Veronica replied, raising her voice over the sporadic pops.

Heather slipped her fingers between the grips of the VHS case and popped the tape out of its plasic packaging. She placed the case on the table by the television and reached up to the VHS player.

Of course. She just had to be too short to reach, didn't she? It was just Heather's luck that she was always the shortest of her friends, only being 5'3" at the age of 17, she knew she wouldn't grow anymore.

...

A few minutes passed and had Veronica skillfully cooked the popcorn the perfect amount. She carefully removed the pan from the stove and ripped open the foil, steam and the buttery aroma of Jiffy Pop filling the kitchen.

"Ronnieeeeee!" Heather whined from the other room.

Veronica rolled her eyes at that lovey-dovey-sounding nickname. "Just a minute!" She shouted back, patiently.

Veronica pulled out a large, neon green bowl from the kitchen cabinet and placed it on the table. Trying to avoid the burning heat of the freshly popped kernels, she poured the warm, yellow puffs into the bowl, a few unpopped kernels mixing in as well.

Not wanting to make Heather wait much longer, Veronica quickly tore open a bag of mini M&M's and dumped them out into the popcorn, tossing them around slightly before they melted. She then did the same with a personal-sized bag of pretzels. Carrying the massive green bowl out with her, Veronica hurriedly made it into the TV room.

...

Passing through the doorway, Veronica saw Heather reaching up to the VHS player, standing up on her toes.

"Looks like someone could use that growth spurt," Veronica joked.

Heather got down off her toes and stared wearily at Veronica. She had thrown on a sleeveless grey and purple Pat Benatar shirt and black sweatpants, ditching the blue blazer and knee socks for the night.

"It's not my fault I'm short!" Heather whined softly.

Veronica made her way towards the little blonde, setting the large popcorn mix on the table. She promptly took the VHS from the Heather, pushing it into the player.

"You're not short," Veronica stated, leaning down to gently lift the other girl's chin up. "You're fun-sized."

Heather hopped up to Veronica to peck her lightly on the nose. Veronica let out a small giggle and stood up straight, grabbing the popcorn mix on the table.

"C'mon," she moved to the couch. "Let's watch a movie about how shit high school is."

Veronica flopped onto the couch, Heather planting herself lightly next to her. The former reached for the bowl, placing it between the two of them. Heather delicately grabbed a buttery puff, avoiding getting it onto her short French manicure, and placed it into her mouth. Veronica reached for the remote and pressed the play button. The opening to The Breakfast Club flashed on the screen.

...

_"I don't have any friends..." ___

____

_"Well what if you did?" ___

______ _ _

The movie was nearing its end, and the two girls were finishing the popcorn mix. Their eyes were glued to the faint glow of the TV, and Heather had curled up against Veronica. Her head rested on Veronica's left shoulder, a slight rough patch on the skin from a burn scar she got from the incident earlier in the year. Heather ran her hand slowly up and down Veronica's pale arm, feeling the brunette's cheek resting on top of her head.

______ _ _

_"You're so concieted, Claire. You're so concieted. You're so, like, full of yourself, why are you like that?" ___

________ _ _ _ _

_"I'm not saying that to be conceited! I hate it! I hate having to go along with everything my friends say!" ___

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Then why do you do it?" ___

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Veronica lifted her arm out from Heather's grasp and wrapped it around the smaller girl, being careful not to trap her hair. Heather nuzzled her head deeper into Veronica's neck, earning a kiss on the forehead from the girl above her.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She knew that Heather related in part to Claire. She knew that she hated being "A Heather" and not just...

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Heather.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Before this year, Veronica had some sort of odd crush on Bender. His dark skin, long hair, and edgy attitude seemed attractive at the time. After the incident with J.D., however, she couldn't bring herself look at the fictional character the same way.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The Breakfast Club was a staple for all high-schoolers, especially for the troubled kids of Westerberg.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"D'you want the last good piece?" Veronica sorted through the near-empty popcorn bowl in the dark to find one more well-popped piece of popcorn. Heather lifted herself off of Veronica's shoulder a bit, and hummed out a small "Mm-hm," before resting her head and opening her mouth.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"You want me to feed it to you?" Veronica asked with a small chuckle. Heather nodded, a bit of a smile forming on her open mouth. Veronica rolled her eyes and placed the piece onto Heather's tongue. "You're such a little kid," she smiled.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Heather let the piece melt in her mouth, picking up a bit of melted M&M chocolate that cooled off in the crevices of the fluffy kernel.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Moments like these were pure bliss.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Veronica moving her hand rhythmically up and down Heather's smooth, faintly-freckled arm, the sweet, savory, and salty flavors of the popcorn mix residing in their mouths, and the two nuzzled into each other while a movie dimly flashed on the TV screen.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The two were together. That was enough.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

...

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Dear Mr. Vernon," ___

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Veronica lifted her head up off of Heather's. She gently patted Heather's shoulder to wake her up. The smaller girl had fallen asleep about half an hour ago, and the movie had reached the final monologue. "Heather, wake up," Veronica whispered.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us..." ___

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Heather groaned quietly, blinking away the sleep and unfortunately-stuck-together mascara from her eyes. "Is this the end of the movie?" Heather asked through a yawn.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions." ___

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Veronica nodded and gently pressed a kiss to the top of Heather's head, pushing down the curly blonde strands.

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain..." ___

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"...and an athlete..." ___

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"...and a basketcase..." ___

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"...a princess..." ___

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"...and a criminal." ___

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Heather lifted herself off of Veronica's shoulder and sat up. She stretched out her long, thin legs and put a dainty hand to her mouth as she yawned. Veronica stood up and picked up the green bowl, now filled with brown corn kernels and smudges of melted chocolate.

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Does that answer your question?" ___

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Veronica held out her hand to take Heather's and help her to her feet. The two met eyes as well as they possibly could with a four-and-a-half inch height difference.

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club." ___

________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Lifting Heather's chin, Veronica linked the smaller girl's lips with her own. She felt Heather's hands place firmly onto her shoulders. The classic Simple Minds song played clearly as the two girls were intertwined.

________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"As you walk on by..." ___

__________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The two released each other slowly, staring at the pair of lips that their own just left.

__________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Will you call my name?" ___

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Heather smiled like a lovesick puppy as Veronica lowered her forehead to meet her own. Their relationship may not have been talked about too publicly, but there was no doubt that their bond was built on something unbreakable:

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Trust.

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

...

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Do you ever think we'll miss high school?"

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Veronica turned her head toward Heather's small voice. The two were about to settle in bed, and Heather had put on one of Veronica's oversized shirts. On her, however, the shirt simply swallowed Heather up. She had on a simple pair of soft white shorts underneath the grey shirt, but it was hardly noticable. The yellow knee socks that Heather always wore were still on.

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"What?" Veronica questioned.

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Do you think we'll miss high school?" Heather repeated, putting a bit more emphasis on her words this time.

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Veronica let out a short sigh. Walking tiredly to the doorway where Heather stood.

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"To be honest, I won't miss much of my experience," Veronica reached to untangle a few curls in Heather's mussed hair. "That shouldn't stop you from missing any good memories."

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Heather looked down. "I don't think I have that many," she shrugged.

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"What about being cheer captain?" Veronica suggested. "You and those girls must've had the best times!"

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Heather shook her head. "Being with the other Heathers took a lot of time out of doing stuff out of school with my squad," she mumbled.

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Veronica pursed her lips, taking her thumb to Heather's cheek. Heather leaned in to her touch. Veronica knew that Heather Chandler was fiery and commanding, and Heather Duke wanted nothing but being at the top of the pyramid. In a sense, Heather was forced into her friendship with the Heathers. Everything about their relationships were toxic. Heather Chandler was a bit more open to Heather McNamara's ideas, at least. That aside, Heather ultimately despised being a friends with the Heathers. Meeting Veronica changed everything for her. She was one of the first people that ever gave her a chance to redeem herself for her past.

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"You don't have to worry about high school anymore, Mac," Veronica stated softly. "We can make our own future now."

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Heather looked down to her hands. "Can we..." She spoke unsurely. "Can we get to bed?"

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Veronica pressed a small kiss to Heather's nose. "Of course."

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

...

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the support on the last chapter wowza


	3. Holding Back The Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather can't sleep. Veronica can't help but come to her girlfriend's side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soz this is kind of a long one, but it's the last one as well. hope you enjoy i did this while i was supposed to be working on an overdue 7 page essay.

_Chance for me to escape from all I've known._

Heather had managed to curl herself into a ball, Veronica's arms wrapped around the former's tiny stomach and jutting-out ribcage. Heather was somehow still awake. She felt her eyes burning as they urged her to remain awake. Her head was swarming with static emotions and memories. She had no idea what exactly her mind was keeping her up for, but she knew that whatever scenes were playing through her head were causing her to feel sick.

_Holding back the tears,_

The blonde squirmed her way out of her girlfriend's koala-like grip as gently as possible, trying not to wake her. Heather carefully pulled Veronica's hands off of her stomach and slid off of the bed without making a sound.

Heather glanced down at the area that the other girl had been holding- her stomach.

For some reason, Heather hadn't been as insecure about her weight as other girls. Of course, all of that changed her freshman year of high school. When she and Heather Chandler were still good friends, Heather McNamara watched one of the girls she knew for such a long time turn into someone ruthless. No, Heather Chandler had no horrific, movie-cliche sob story that made her turn into the venomous girl she was before she died. She let her popularity get to her head and allowed herself to step on anybody she had to in order to keep herself from slipping down the social ladder.

In fact, Heather McNamara was the first victim of her change. Heather Chandler always had a way of attracting every person she ever met. She wouldn't let some baby-faced member of the freshman cheer squad drag her down, even if she was one of her first friends.

Heather McNamara soon learned that nobody will love a girl that takes up too much space.

_Cause nothing here has grown._

Secretly, Heather had slowly reduced what she was eating, eventually whittling her diet down to nothing. Of course she had to be secretive. What would everyone say if they found out that one of the most popular girls in school was such an insecure baby that she refused to eat anything? She would be a laughing stock.

When Heather Duke came along sophomore year, she experienced nearly the same problem that Heather McNamara had. Even so, she wasn't afraid of keeping it open and extreme. She would leave in the middle of class perfectly fine and be caught throwing up in the girls' bathroom moments later. She almost seemed to take pride in her actions.

Heather McNamara didn't understand. Though she admitted to herself that she was a bit emetophobic, she would never go as far as what Heather Duke would submit herself to.

Little, petite, scrawny Heather McNamara felt like she had to starve herself in order to live. Live, but only in a social sense.

_I've wasted all my tears,_

That night, Heather did eat something. Yes, it felt good to indulge herself in the flavorful treat earlier that night... Or... later yesterday.

Heather found herself standing in the middle of Veronica's bedroom at nearly 3:00 in the morning, clutching her stomach. She lifted the bottom edge of the borrowed grey shirt to see the smallest tummy sticking out. It was hardly anything, really. Many girls would kill to have a body like Heather's, but that didn't mean it was healthy. She almost felt numb, like she couldn't do anything or feel anything about something that would have caused her so much grief earlier in on in high school.

_Wasted all those years,_

The spirit of Heather Chandler seemed to hammer itself into the mind of the petite blonde, taunting her with every insult she could think of. The voice of a 14-year-old Heather Chandler echoed inside Heather McNamara's head, each little tease felt like a bite to her flesh. She rubbed the sides of her head, nearly feeling the cool breathe of her late ex-friend down the side of her neck and into her ears.

The girl was now hunched over, trying not to give in to her weak knees, and begging herself to get a grip on her hyper-active mind. She let this happen to herself. She knew that she did. If she only saw that there was in fact a way out of such a toxic relationship. Unfortunately, the only way out seemed to be death. Heather stifled a sharp wail.

_And nothing had the chance to be good._

...

"Heather...?"

A groggy voice made Heather snap out of the loud, static noises going off in her head that she didn't even notice. She turned her entire body around slowly, shoulders tense.

Veronica had begun to sit herself up, leaning on her elbows and rubbing at her eyes.

"Ronnie, I-" Heather squeaked, lowering her head.

"Hey," Veronica swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Everything's okay." Her voice was calming and patient.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," Heather muttered, voice wavering. Veronica stood up and took a few steps to meet the teary-eyed girl in the middle of her room. The taller girl pushed a few stray curls out of Heather's face, tucking them behind her ears. Heather let out a quiet sigh, and took in a deep breath.

"I couldn't sleep at all," Heather started. Veronica took Heather's hands in her own, intertwining them slowly. "I don't know why, but my head just felt...all jumble-y." She tried to find the right words to describe the fuzzy feeling in her head.

"It's okay," Veronica reassured, leaving a long kiss to the shorter girl's forehead. "That happens to me sometimes, too."

"Really?" Heather stared up to the loving girl in front of her.

"Yeahhh," Veronica drawled out sleepily. "Especially after... Well, you-know-who," she stated, heaving out a short sigh between her words.

Heather averted her eyes from Veronica. Veronica's focus was at her hands folded together with Heather's. As if it were by some psychic connection, the girls simply let go of each other's hands, and melted into an embrace. Both of Heather's arms snaked around Veronica's waist. Veronica wrapped one arm around Heather's back, taking her left shoulder with her hand, and the other pulling Heather's head to Veronica's chest. They seemed to slip harmoniously into place. The two stood in silence. 

Despite their outward quiet, their heads were both swarming. Veronica hadn't gotten over falling for the psychopathic trials of her ex-boyfriend. Heather was stuck on the idea of never being able to fill the shoes that society had laid out for her. Yes, the two had graduated and were moving on to be adults. No, the hadn't gotten over the wild enigma that were their horrifyingly grim teenage minds. If either girl would have known what Westerberg had in store for them, they likely wouldn't have attended; the homicide, the suicide, the social constructions, the social destructors. 

They were never quite allowed to just be typical seventeen-year-old girls. No matter how hard they tried, the world was against them.

"Hey," Veronica whispered. Her voice was strained.

"Hmm?" Heather lifted her head off of Veronica's chest to stare at the girl holding her. Veronica's expression had somehow changed drastically. From the tired, sympathetic look, Veronica's face was flushed, unshed tears making her eyes shimmer under the minimal moonlight seeping through the curtains. A weary smile stretched across her face.

Heather was taken aback, pulling away immediately to cup the brunette's cheeks. "Veronica!" She was stunned to see her girlfriend on the verge of tears. Usually stoic and sarcastic, Heather hadn't had the chance to see Veronica crying. Veronica let out a light chuckle.

"I'm fine, really," she laughed out quietly. "I just hate seeing you like this."

Heather hopped up to her toes to plant a quick kiss to Veronica's lips. "I hate seeing you like this, too!" She slipped her hands down off of Veronica's cheeks and onto her shoulders. "Do you promise me that's the only reason you're upset?" Heather asked meekly.

Veronica put on a strained smile. She leaned her head to one side and lovingly brushed her thumb over Heather's cheek.

"We're both feeling like shit tonight, huh?" Veronica finally breathed out. Heather nodded, but it was almost unnoticeable.

"Hey," Veronica left a soft kiss on the tip of Heather's nose. "I have an idea."

...

"Where does this lead to?"

"The roof," Veronica was halfway up a short ladder tucked away in her attic.

Heather's eyes widened with surprise, before squeaking out a small, "Oh..."

"I'll be up here waiting for you, Mac," Veronica reassured. "It's not even that tall of a ladder." She pulled herself all the way up to the top of the ladder and pushed open a hatch in the ceiling. It revealed a dark blue sky with even darker clouds scattering across it. Veronica latched her hands onto the edge of the opening and climbed the rest of the way up, hopping over the edge of the roof.

"Your turn!"

"That's not fair!" Heather let out a small whine. She heard Veronica's genuine laugh from above her head. Heather couldn't help but let a smile force itself through her little bit of unease that she felt about the situation. God, she loved that stupid cackle of her's. It was a bit annoying at first, but she soon came to love the sound of real happiness on Veronica.

Heather stood at the base of the ladder, placing her hands on two rungs near her head, and her right foot at the second-to-bottom rung to steady herself. She bounced a bit before moving upwards each time, hoisting her shaky body carefully up the ladder. She tried her hardest not to slip on the metal bars underneath her yellow socks.

"Need a hand, hot stuff?" Heather was almost at the top when Veronica stuck her hand back down the opening, a flirty quip arriving with it.

"Only because I don't think I can get up on my own," Heather grumbled, rolling her eyes a bit at the dumb nickname. 

Veronica hoisted her girlfriend up the rest of the way, keeping her balanced as she stumbled over the top of the roof. Letting go of her hand as soon as she was sure Heather was balanced, the brunette quietly closed the hatch on the top of the roof. She leaned back, looking up to the cloudy night sky, then back at the little girl in her massive grey shirt gazing up at the clouds.

"Cirrus clouds."

"What?" Veronica narrowed her eyes in confusion at Heather. She always said the most obscure facts at the most oddly-fitting times. Pointing up to the blackish-grey clouds above them, Heather repeated.

"Those up there? The wispy clouds?" She glanced back to Veronica, who was now furrowing her brows at the night sky. "Those are called cirrus clouds."

"Well they're cirrus-ly blocking the view!" Veronica joked, her voice in the back of her throat. She let out another shit-eating laugh, proud of the terrible pun. "Get it? Cirrus... Seriously... Cirrus-ly?"

Heather shot a look at her girlfriend.

"You get it," Veronica leaned back again, smiling proudly. Heather rolled her eyes and leaned back onto the slant of the roof along with her. They lay in quiet for a moment until Veronica reaches into the deep pockets of her pajama pants to produce a pack of cigarettes. She plucked one out and proceeded to drag it out on a shingle of the roof, making sparks.

"In all seriousness," Veronica took a quick puff of the freshly lit cigarette. "I really thought we'd be able to see at least a few stars out tonight."

Heather looked to Veronica as she exhaled this toxic-smelling smoke, watching it swirl into the early, early morning air. She looked back down to play with some of her blonde curls. From this angle, she could see the small bit of pudge on her stomach. Though it was hardly noticeable, it was everything to Heather. It meant that she was going back on her vow to perfection. It meant that she wouldn't be lovable to anybody. It meant that Heather Chandler's stone-cold words would burn red-hot through the ex-cheerleader's brain.

"Ronn-?"

"Do you think I could do those smoke ring things?" Veronica squinted at the second puff of smoke as it melded with the rest of the air. She chuckled a bit after hearing her thoughts accidentally push themselves into the open. "Like, y'know, the-" Veronica turned her head to Heather, who was scrunched up and turning red. Veronica looked concerned.

"Wait, were you gonna say something?"

"No, it's fine," Heather breathed out, a bit of regret in her voice.

"Hey, if you were gonna say something I don't mind," Veronica reassured her.

Heather remained quiet and unsure for a moment. "Do you think..." She started to get her thoughts out. "Do you think I'm gaining weight?"

Veronica blinked in surprise. "You?" She sat up almost instantly to move closer to Heather. "Are you actually concerned about that? You're the tiniest little thing I know."

"Heather always told me-"

"Sweetheart, you're gonna have to be more specific."

"Heather Chandler always told me," she put more emphasis on her last name. "that I always needed to look my best or else I'd..." Heather wrinkled up her face, remembering precisely how the strawberry-blonde hissed out her words. "...weigh people down."

"Oh, GOD no!" Veronica screeched. Heather shrunk down a bit more, surprised by the sudden volume change. "Uh... Sorry," Veronica held up her hands, the cigarette still between two of her fingers. She planted herself onto Heather's lap gently and blew out the burning cigarette carefully. 

"Heather, listen to me," Veronica stated firmly. "I don't give a shit about what Heather Chandler told you, and you shouldn't either. What matters now is that she can't hurt you or anybody else. What she said about your weight was total bull. You're beautiful and helpful and kind no matter what some scale shows you. I want you to be happy with yourself and how you feel, but you also need to be safe." She set the cigarette down and took both of Heather's hands. "What I see in you is something that I could never have seen in that sick asshole I had the unfortunate pleasure of being associated with. You genuinely want to make yourself better. You really do want to change and let people know that you're one of the most radiant girls in the world." Veronica kissed the top of Heather's left hand. "I've told you that you can't be happy forever, and I understand that, too." A kiss on Heather's right hand. "You need to get it out of your head that you have to be perfect to be loved." A kiss on the forehead. "Perfection is the most shithead thing that society has expected us to be." A kiss on the nose. "Perfection doesn't exist. But you do, and you need to make sure that it stays that way." She slipped her hands to Heather's waist.

"For both of us."

Veronica pulled Heather in for a chaste kiss on the lips, and it seemed like the two couldn't be harmed. For once, the two of them were the queens of the unbothered. The moment lasted for forever this way until tears started to fall down Heather's cheeks and land gently onto Veronica's. Veronica pushed forward a bit onto Heather, deepening the kiss out of the desire for the sweetest girl in the world to stop from crying her tears of gold. 

Heather was taken back a bit at the sudden change of pace. She could taste Veronica's mouth more intensely, the strong tobacco residing on her tongue. Of course, it would normally taste horrifyingly disgusting. That is, if it weren't for being on Veronica's lips. Oddly enough, the bitter taste seemed fitting for Veronica. Slowly, Heather became used to the taste and feeling of Veronica.

Sure, the two had been dating for a while, but they had to keep it somewhat of a secret. The two never engaged in too harsh of a romantic act. One exception was the time that Veronica jokingly jabbed the roof of Heather's mouth with her tongue while kissing her goodbye in the morning. They hardly spoke the rest of the day, of course, but Veronica thought it was worth it too see the shocked expression on her girlfriend's face.

In the midst of her thoughts, Heather didn't realize that Veronica's hands had slowly shifted under her shirt and onto the tiny amount of soft skin that she was insecure of. Veronica's hands rested firmly on Heather's waist, shifting the pads of her thumbs to her stomach. Heather briefly hesitated into their kiss for a bit, unsure of what Veronica was doing. The next few moments seemed to go by in a flash.

Veronica lightly pinched at Heather's small tummy and hips, earning a tiny squeak from Heather. The blonde inched away from Veronica's face, breaking the kiss. Veronica only smiled and went in for another kiss, face flushing a bit. She maneuvered her hands slowly underneath Heather's soft shorts before-

"STOP!" Heather shrieked and lifted Veronica's hands up, pushing herself away.

Veronica sat in shock for a moment. Heather leaned back with her eyes wide and tearing up. They both took their time to process what had happened. It was a silence that seemed would never be broken. The night was disrespectfully calm. 

"Ah...God, I'm-" Veronica sighed out heavily, taking her hands to her face. "Heather, I don't know what happened."

"I'm sorry."

"What?" Veronica brought her hands down.

"I don't think I feel the same way that you do," Heather breathed out, the guilt evident in her voice.

"That's...kinda normal," Veronica forced out a laugh. "My sex drive is really hypera-"

"No, I mean..." Heather cut her off. "I just... I don't want to do... that. Ever." She let out her words simply and tried not to be harsh. She really did love Veronica, but a huge part of her wanted nothing to do with sex. It seemed a bit disgusting and she didn't quite understand what the big deal was.

"Oh," Veronica muttered to herself. "Well, that works for me." She scooted herself closer to Heather, who was now quite a ways away from her.

"You know I just want to make you feel comfortable with who you are," she told the little blonde. "I wouldn't want you to feel unloved."

Heather nodded. Her eyes remained on the hard shingles of the roof, but had since softened from her escape. She saw Veronica's hand slowly moving into view. Veronica placed her hand on top of Heather's.

"Can I touch you here?"

Heather nodded.

"How about here?" She placed her hand on Heather's other hand. Her voice was gentle and pleasing to the ear.

Heather nodded again, looking up to Veronica and her tired brown eyes. She felt two hands sliding up her arms.

"These places okay?" Veronica asked.

Heather nodded, curious as to what her girlfriend was doing.

"Good, 'cuz you have a lot of really cute freckles here," Veronica laughed. "I'd miss getting to count them." This made Heather's face melt into a soft smile. Veronica's hands continued their journey meticulously. Next, at her shoulders. Was it okay? Yes. Another nod from Heather. Cheeks... Alright? Another nod.

"What are you doing, Ronnie?" Heather finally spoke up. It was soft, a hint of a breathy giggle breaking through her lips. Veronica pressed a finger to Heather's lips, sealing them shut.

"This is okay, too, right?"

"Sometimes," Heather's lips formed into a smile under Veronica's touch.

"Only if I'm not telling you to shut up, yeah?" Veronica snorted. Heather nodded, a toothy smile forming on her face.

"Well then, let's move on," Veronica promptly removed her finger from Heather's lips. She poked the tip of Heather's button nose, making the blonde giggle.

"That's good, right?"

Heather leant back and covered her mouth daintily as she laughed.

"I'm guessing so," Veronica smiled back. "Now, say I were to touch you with something that wasn't my hand."

Heather's laugh faded into a simple smile. "What exactly did you have in mind, Sawyer?"

"Oh-ho-ho!" Veronica laughed and pulled Heather in by the shoulders. "Something liiiike..."

A flurry of quick kisses were scattered across Heather's face. Veronica grabbed onto Heather's chin to get more control over the squealing girl.

"Ronnieeeee!"

"All of that! Was that okay with you, sweet cheeks?" Veronica pressed her nose into Heather's right cheek.

"Yes! Yes! Yes, you loser!" Heather exclaimed through giggles. The two relaxed, both smiling like fools and cheeks tinted pink. Heather was still heaving a bit from laughing so hard. 

"You know I just want you to feel happy, right?" Veronica asked. "As much as you possibly can?"

She felt Heather nodding, and pulled away to look at the beautiful girl she could somehow call her own.

_I'll keep holding on._

Veronica couldn't help but noticing a gleam in her eyes that weren't there before. Not just an 'I'm-so-happy' gleam, but physical flecks of light shining in her light hazel eyes. Those eyes soon broke contact with Veronica's to look back up to the sky.

_I'll keep holding on._

"Aw, look!"

_I'll keep holding on._

Veronica turned her head up to the sky. The dark, wispy clouds had been blown away. There were whitish-yellow stars littering the dark blue sky, finally clear and oh-so bright. Somehow, the two had been so lost in each other that they hadn't noticed.

_I'll keep holding on._

The two girls sat gazing contently at the starry sky above them.

_Holding, holding, holding._

"You finally get to see your stars, Veronica," Heather sighed out.

_That's all I have today._

Veronica looked back to her girlfriend. "Eh. They're alright," she shrugged. "I didn't exactly have to wait all night for them."

_It's all I have to say._

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that's it awww
> 
> thank you all for the support on this fic wowww i didn't expect so much love!!?  
> this was my first fic so it was really nice to see everyone being so kinds and leaving great comments. i'll definitely write some more, especially for these two adorable ladies. god, they're fun to write for.  
> anyway, i hope you liked it! my tumblr's theasexualfangirl as well and i'll be updating other fics and stuff there. idk what to write next but it'll probably be a songfic to some cheesy 80's love song.
> 
> also! the song i used at the beginning of this was holding back the years by simply red. yes, they're an 80's band sue me i love 80's music. plus heathers is set in the 80's so why not?
> 
> so yeah, bye for now!  
> -shay


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